Take a chance!

It’s been my experience that the finest moments in life happen when you take a chance, whether it be confronting a fear head-on or setting a goal that you believe is beyond your reach but deciding to tackle it anyway.

The first annual Diakon Outdoor Adventure Challenge 5K Trail Run/Walk in 2012 initiated a series of shining moments that resulted from taking a chance, both for me and others.

I first heard of the race when I received a poster in the mail at my business, Train Yard Gym & Fitness. The event set itself apart from other 5Ks we had been asked to advertise because it included use of a high-ropes course, zip-line and Alpine Tower at the Diakon Wilderness Center after the race.

I was quickly sold on the concept of a beautiful trail run, lots of adventure-focused activities afterwards and the fact that my entry fee would help the at-risk youths the Diakon Wilderness Center serves. I pulled together a group of 10 runners and hikers that year and we were off to see what this was all about.

That first race day unexpectedly turned into an opportunity for me to take a chance. I had been looking forward to the race for months, but a few days before the event I started having hip pain and honestly didn’t know if I could run. I decided to go for it anyway and ended up coming in first place among the females.

Was I ever happy that I didn’t let my fears hold me back!

That was just the beginning of many victories I’ve witnessed at the Diakon Wilderness Center. Nearly a year later, I offered a 12-week challenge program to help people get fit and develop a healthier lifestyle. The participants were making great progress, but I sensed they would benefit from a “face-your-fears” experience to show them they could break through the self-imposed barriers holding them back from being even more successful. My trip to the Diakon Wilderness Center came to mind and I was pleased to learn the center offers a ropes course experience to private groups.

suzanne

Suzanne on the ropes course

 

Our gang loaded up for a field trip and I was completely inspired by the three people in the group who faced this challenge with the most trepidation. Jill doubted she could make two steps up the cargo net because of the extra weight she carried but she surprised herself by climbing halfway. Suzie was deathly afraid of heights but she made it to the top of the ropes course platform and felt as accomplished as if she had just summited Everest. And here’s what Suzanne had to say about making it the whole way across the ropes course and down the zip line:

“I was terrified of heights. I knew I was going on a trip that included rope bridges high in the trees in the Amazon jungles and I wanted to see the jungle from that vantage point along with my friends. The ropes course and zip-line at Diakon showed me that I could overcome my fear of heights and check the Amazon jungle off my bucket list!”

Suzie climbing the cargo net to the ropes course.

Suzie climbing the cargo net to the ropes course

 

I was blessed to witness another moment of greatness when two women who trained in my Couch to 5K® program crossed the finish line of the 2016 Diakon Outdoor Adventure Challenge 5K trail race.

The training program is designed for people who could literally be starting as “couch potatoes”; it conditions them to be able to run the 3.1 miles of a 5K in just nine weeks.  At the beginning of the program, of course, this goal often seems unfathomable, especially when just 60 seconds of running feels like an hour, but with consistent effort it always works!

For one of those participants, Betsy, “Getting out of my comfort zone was literally going from being a walker to running a 5K. I feared the ‘Killer Hill’ [our affectionate name for a particularly challenging section of the course] and running on trails since most of our training was on roads. When we crossed the finish line it was the greatest feeling of accomplishment!”

Betsey (L) & Stephanie (R)

Betsey (L) & Stephanie (R)

 

And another Couch to 5k runner, Stephanie, couldn’t be happier with her reward for stepping out of her comfort zone.

“Trying to control breathing and the possibility of not being able to finish something I started were my biggest fears of running. After training for the 5K and finishing the Diakon 5K trail race, my running confidence increased tremendously.  I’m still running today and loving the beauty of being outside.”

This year’s Diakon Outdoor Adventure Challenge on Sept. 16 offers several ways you can take a chance and have one of those shining moments yourself!

•    Maybe you run road races but you’ve never ventured onto the trail. Take that step! I bet you’ll love the feeling of being even closer to nature in the woods.  You may even enjoy the freedom of not being quite as attached to your Garmin and concerned with your pace, because trail running is naturally not as fast as road running.
•    Maybe the goal of running for three miles straight seems completely unimaginable, just as Betsy and Steph thought. If you want to go after it, there’s plenty of time to make it happen if you start now. Our training program will begin July 22. You can contact me to join us or you can do it on your own by downloading one of the many Couch to 5K® apps available.
•    Maybe you’re not interested in a 5K but you have a fear of heights as did Suzie and Suzanne. We offer an “Adventure Elements Only” option at the event. What better place to confront your fears than with supportive staff and friends around you?

The best part about attending the Diakon challenge is that you are contributing to the mission of the Diakon Wilderness Center to help at-risk youth get back on track. These teens and young adults face their fears daily as they strive to overcome their past and step out of their comfort zone to learn new skills and coping mechanisms to move forward in a positive direction.

With the support of the skilled and caring staff at the wilderness center, their goal of turning their lives around is not out of reach.

Your participation in the Diakon OAC will help them shine!

Get full details on the event at diakon5k.org.
—Maggie Wonsick
Co-owner, Train Yard Gym & Fitness
www.trainyardgym.com
maggiewonsick@comcast.net
(717) 319-4881

 

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Going the extra mile

This blog shares the story of how Diakon Adoption & Foster Care staff members went the extra mile to help adoptees participate in Girls on the Run®, a non-profit program that inspires girls to recognize their inner strengths and celebrate what makes them unique.

As an affiliate council of Diakon Child, Family & Community Ministries, Girls on the Run – Lehigh Valley delivers sessions involving 10 weeks of dynamic discussions, activities and running games for girls in third through fifth grades, with each season concluding with a celebratory 5K event, completed by participants and “running buddies.”

 

JoAnn Carter, mother of two adoptive girls (Daysia 11, Jada 9)

My interest in Girls on the Run began when my girls brought home a flyer from Parkway Manor elementary school announcing the program. I thought it would get them off the couch and give them a well-rounded opportunity that teaches them confidence. I also thought it would be great to have the girls be part of a running team.

Earlier in the year, my oldest did very well running a Turkey Trot event. Even though my little one hates to exercise and was a little apprehensive at first, she ended up loving the program.

As parents, my husband and I supported the girls throughout the program. We provided nutritional snacks and even made cheese-stick and pretzel treats that looked like little scooters. But when it came to finding the girls a running buddy, we didn’t have anyone lined up for them.

Because the local council is sponsored by Diakon, and I adopted my girls from Diakon, I thought maybe the organization could help. I talked with the Girls on the Run program coordinator, who in turn reached out to Kathy Roach, executive director of Diakon Adoption & Foster Care. She asked for running buddy volunteers for the girls.

Crystal Wanamaker, who served as our caseworker during the foster and adoption process, felt she could not do the run, so she asked two of her co-workers, who are runners, to help out. They happily agreed.

Kristina Taylor ran with Daysia and Melissa Mulero ran with Jada. Crystal attended the event to support the girls and her co-workers, which I thought was really neat. The adoption was finalized in 2012, so the girls hadn’t seen her in a while. They were excited to see her, which added to the experience.

The race was wonderful. I was very proud of the girls. I lost my father in October, so the girls were running for their Pop and grandmother. They gave it their best shot and when they wanted to give up, they kept on going.

The support of their Diakon running buddies made this event even more memorable. They say it takes a village to raise children. It was so nice to see that Diakon continues to be a part “of the village” long after the adoption process is finished.

 

 

 

Crystal Wanamaker, Diakon’s Foster and Adoption Case Manager

As a case manager, I was involved with this family’s life for more than two years. I saw them on a routine basis, so when Kathy Roach emailed me about this opportunity, I was so happy. This is an emotional job, and I love it when parents keep us updated and involved in their lives.

The night of the event, I was at the finish line. I couldn’t believe how many people were there. The girls actually had multiple running buddies, so it was wonderful to see the outpouring of love and support for them.

Watching the girls and my co-workers cross the finish line was very exciting. I am so thankful that Diakon was able to be part of the event. For so long, I was the girls’ “constant.” They knew they could turn to me during a difficult time in their lives. They recognize that I am still here for them today. It means so much to me and I think it means a lot to them too.

Melissa Mulero, Running Buddy and Diakon’s Case Manager

Since I do run, I thought it was a great opportunity to be part of the program. The day of the race, which was held at the Lehigh Parkway in Allentown, Kristina and I met the girls to spend time with them before the race. The event hosted special activities that the girls could do. Both Daysia and Jada were very excited to temporarily color their hair all different colors and to apply temporary tattoos. We also met with the coaches of the team and the girls’ teachers—Mrs. Breinich and Mrs. Richenaker, who also were the girls’ running buddies. Together, we enjoyed watching a “mascot run” before the race.

During the actual 5K event, I ran with Jada in the third wave. Throughout the race, she sprinted then walked. I kept encouraging her, telling her that she was doing great and we are almost there. Her other running buddy, her school teacher, also encouraged her.

Before the race, Jada told us that her running time was 53 minutes for 3.1 miles. The most memorable part of the event was seeing her facial expression when she checked her time and realized that she had clocked in at under 52 minutes! She was ecstatic!

When I think of all the struggles these girls went through, and to see how they have bounced back, it makes me happy. I loved seeing them put forth so much effort into a wonderful program. I can’t wait to do it again next year.

Kristina Taylor, Running Buddy & Diakon’s Family Support Specialist

What a cool experience to see everyone come together and run in the heat! I didn’t know what to expect, so when I arrived, I was taken aback by the magnitude of the event. There were tons of volunteers and parents. It was neat to see the community as a whole coming together. I am so glad for the opportunity to be part of it.

My runner, Daysia, was like a little gazelle. She would sprint, then slow down. We really balanced each other out—we were like a “see-saw.” When she was slow, I encouraged her. When I was slow, she did the same for me. Together, we pushed ourselves to the finish line. Daysia sprinted the entire length of the finish line and she had a huge smile on her face. I was so proud of her. It was awesome.

Girls on the Run is more important now more than ever. With schools cutting physical education budgets and social media adding to self-image pressures, it is wonderful to have an event like this. The girls learn it’s not about finishing first. It is about feeling good about yourself.  It’s about learning healthy habits that improve your well-being.

I played field hockey in college. I have always had the mentality to stay motivated and never give up. The Girls on the Run program teaches girls to believe in themselves and to learn from even the toughest situation. Even if you are not the first or best, it’s about coming together and staying positive for one another. Our world needs more programs like this!

I’ve been at Diakon for nearly 4 years. I knew about the program, but had never helped because I am so busy. I never took the time to step out of my comfort zone. Now that I have seen the event and witnessed how Girls on the Run touches the lives of girls—including the lives of our adoptees—I want to help even more.

I understand the obstacles Daysia and Jada have faced. To see where they are today is so sweet. I feel as if I was part of their family from the beginning. I enjoyed it as much as the family. It was so rewarding. I am already looking forward to next year’s event.

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You never know who is behind the curtain

I recently took time to visit a former colleague in one of our senior living communities. We had a wonderful discussion about “old times,” events we experienced and people we knew 30 to nearly 40 years ago.

When I left, after nearly an hour-and-a-half of conversation, I stopped at the front desk to sign out and spend a few moments with the administrative assistant/receptionist with whom I had emailed on occasion but never met.

“You know,” I mused as we spoke, “I wonder if the people who provide care” to my friend, “really know who this person is—not who he is, of course, but in terms of the history of our organization, of his role in that?”

The receptionist thought not.

“He once was snowbound at an airport in the Midwest,” I continued, “with the executive of a sister Lutheran agency in the Harrisburg region.” During a game of pool—at least according to the story, whose veracity I have no reason to doubt—the two of them decided to see if affiliation between the two organizations might advance Lutheran social ministry in the region.

It turns out their new entity soon partnered with Tressler Lutheran Home for Children—past operator of the storied Tressler Orphans Home—eventually resulting in Tressler Lutheran Services and, with the addition of years and a few other organizations, today’s Diakon.

More than that, my colleague—always an advocate for the “least of these”—diligently advanced social ministry and advocacy during his long career, often promoting justice-focused positions beyond what was popular at the time.

It turns out, I said, that staff there were caring for a pivotal leader—an unassuming one, yes—but an important leader nonetheless in our near-150-year history.

No fault or criticism is intended; my friend would be the last to want others to care about his accomplishments. Nevertheless, for me, and perhaps for you, a small lesson:

You never know the background, or the history, or the accomplishments of those we meet. So assume the best and most glorious. Sometimes those assumptions will be right.

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What I really want for Mother’s Day

Dear Daughters,

Each year I love the Mother’s Day gifts, silly songs and the social media “shout outs.” I really do love them and if you want to continue doing those things, I will greatly appreciate it. However, this year I want you to know what I really want for Mother’s Day.

I want you to fully embrace that you are a person of value.

You may have experienced difficult circumstances or done things you regret, but none of those decreases your worth. What happens to you and what others say about you are not the things that define you.

During the times you experience rejection and loneliness, please remember that those times will pass. Do not perceive your value based on likes on your selfies or who sits at your lunch table. Don’t ever forget that you are so much more than what people see on the surface, so never let anyone make you feel as if you aren’t good enough.

You are one-of-a-kind and God has amazing plans for your life.

I want you to know I understand you.

Yes, I know that in the heat of the moment or when I have to say “no,” the opposite seems true. But my job is to protect you even when doing so doesn’t fit into your plans.

I will pray for you and use wisdom to figure out if what you want to do is in line with what is safe and healthy for your overall well-being. I will try to include you in the decision-making process as much as I can, but I need you to trust me. I’m not being “mean”; I understand things more than you think I do.

I want you to be genuine.

Be kind. Be generous. Be courageous. Be forgiving. Don’t ever try to be someone you were not created to be. It can be tempting to behave certain ways or say things to try to fit in, but I want you to stay true to who you really are.

I want you to know what the fairy tales don’t tell you.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship because there are no such things as perfect people. I know you are bombarded with social media posts with #Couple Goals and we have watched plenty of Disney movies and “chick flicks” with incomplete interpretations of romance.

You may be holding onto those unrealistic ideas even while you have already dealt with the pain of realizing that relationships are much more complex than a two-hour movie. Do not place all your hopes and dreams on your future boyfriend and husband; he should never be the main source of your happiness. Your identity needs to come from God and loving yourself—not in a selfish way—but in a way that allows you to know your importance in this world is not dependent on another person.

So when you ask me what I would like for Mother’s Day, it is for you to fully grasp all of these things and apply them to your lives.

That’s what would truly make this mama happy…and maybe some chocolate-covered strawberries if you insist.

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MothersDay

What I really want for Mother’s Day

Dear Daughters,

Each year I love the Mother’s Day gifts, silly songs and the social media “shout outs.” I really do love them and if you want to continue doing those things, I will greatly appreciate it. However, this year I want you to know what I really want for Mother’s Day.

I want you to fully embrace that you are a person of value.

You may have experienced difficult circumstances or done things you regret, but none of those decreases your worth. What happens to you and what others say about you are not the things that define you.

During the times you experience rejection and loneliness, please remember that those times will pass. Do not perceive your value based on likes on your selfies or who sits at your lunch table. Don’t ever forget that you are so much more than what people see on the surface, so never let anyone make you feel as if you aren’t good enough.

You are one-of-a-kind and God has amazing plans for your life.

I want you to know I understand you.

Yes, I know that in the heat of the moment or when I have to say “no,” the opposite seems true. But my job is to protect you even when doing so doesn’t fit into your plans.

I will pray for you and use wisdom to figure out if what you want to do is in line with what is safe and healthy for your overall well-being. I will try to include you in the decision-making process as much as I can, but I need you to trust me. I’m not being “mean”; I understand things more than you think I do.

I want you to be genuine.

Be kind. Be generous. Be courageous. Be forgiving. Don’t ever try to be someone you were not created to be. It can be tempting to behave certain ways or say things to try to fit in, but I want you to stay true to who you really are.

I want you to know what the fairy tales don’t tell you.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship because there are no such things as perfect people. I know you are bombarded with social media posts with #Couple Goals and we have watched plenty of Disney movies and “chick flicks” with incomplete interpretations of romance.

You may be holding onto those unrealistic ideas even while you have already dealt with the pain of realizing that relationships are much more complex than a two-hour movie. Do not place all your hopes and dreams on your future boyfriend and husband; he should never be the main source of your happiness. Your identity needs to come from God and loving yourself—not in a selfish way—but in a way that allows you to know your importance in this world is not dependent on another person.

So when you ask me what I would like for Mother’s Day, it is for you to fully grasp all of these things and apply them to your lives.

That’s what would truly make this mama happy…and maybe some chocolate-covered strawberries if you insist.

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I raised needed funds … even before getting to the office

This morning, as I checked my email and chewed on my breakfast burrito, I contemplated how I had already supported Diakon Adoption and Foster Care twice today.

And it was easy and fit right in with my morning routine.

That routine is simple and probably very much like yours. The best mornings are the ones I’m the first to wake up. This gives me a chance to make a cup of coffee and collect my thoughts before the day begins as I peruse my favorite websites for the morning news.

It doesn’t take long, however, for my six-year-old ball of energy to wake and come into the home-office clutching his favorite blanket and asking for breakfast. Then it’s time to pack lunches, shower, get dressed and find my son’s missing shoe while convincing him that yes, indeed, he has to go to school today.

After the traditional morning tug-of-war with my son to get him out the door, we are off to daycare. Then I head to my office on the Frey Village campus in Middletown, Pennsylvania.

I stop on the way at Rutter’s, a local convenience store and gas station, to gas up my Jeep and pick up a breakfast burrito. I arrive at the office, greet my officemates and boot up my computer, ready to start another day of seeking grants for Diakon and its many programs.

Yet my day of fundraising had already begun!

That’s because Diakon Adoption and Foster Care is a current finalist in Rutter’s Vote with Your Dollars Campaign.

By taking two minutes to log onto www.ruttersrewards.com to register my VIP card and select Diakon from a list of 10 charities as my charity of choice, every time I gas up my jeep or make a purchase at Rutter’s, Diakon receives a vote.

Voting will continue through Oct. 31 and, in November, Rutter’s will tally the votes and the charities with the most votes will receive a grant for capital purchases and improvements.

In Diakon’s case, the funds requested will refurbish the family visitation room at the York office of Diakon Adoption and Foster Care with new furniture and toys. The grant also will be used to purchase safety supplies for emergency foster-care placements, including car seats and portable cribs.

Diakon Adoption and Foster Care is a program that tugs at my heart. The children in care, through no fault of their own, have experienced heartbreaking situations and trauma. What they need most is a stable, loving and permanent home and Diakon works hard to help these children find their “forever families.” Although I am not in a position right now to serve as a resource family and open my home to these special children, I do look for other ways to support the program.

The Rutter’s Vote with Your Dollars campaign doesn’t even require money out of my pocket. I just spend on things I would buy anyway—gasoline, coffee, sandwiches, a pack of gum or a newspaper. All the program took was registering my card on the Rutter’s website and using it with each purchase. I don’t even have to have my card with me. I registered my phone number with the card and I key that number into the keypad to assign my purchase to my account.

Rutter’s is based in York and has locations throughout south-central Pennsylvania. If you live near one of Rutter’s 47 locations, I encourage you to obtain a VIP card, register online to support Diakon Adoption and Foster Care and vote between now and Oct. 31.

I also encourage you to share this information with your friends, co-workers, families and anyone else with a heart open to supporting to community’s most at-risk children.

 

—Tammy McCrae
Grants Officer

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Moms and teen daughters – she said/she said

I am the mother of three daughters ranging from mid-teens to early 20s.

These teenage years have been bumpy, with those bumps actually feeling like mountains some days. Through the years, I have read many articles about how strained mother/daughter relationships can sometimes be and I vowed to make connecting with my girls a priority.

I will admit, however, I have not always done a great job because of living in the extremes of “super-strict mom” and “fun permissible best friend mom”!

In the end, I have discovered it’s about balance.

And listening.

So I tried a little she said/she said with my 17-year old, “D.” Here’s how it went:

What do you think strains mother/teen daughter relationships?

D: Many girls struggle with feeling close to their moms because daughters get nagged and yelled at so often for things they don’t think are a big deal. Or sometimes moms say things they don’t realize hurt us. Many girls also struggle relating to their moms because of differing morals and expectations. And comparing us can be upsetting; I have had conversations with my friends about how unfair they feel they are treated compared to older or younger siblings and how they don’t feel appreciated by their moms.

M: Fear plays a big part in why moms interact the way they do with their teenage daughters. Moms often nag and lecture because they are worried. Our daughters have to realize we were teenage girls once, too! We do understand more than they think we do.

One thing I have noticed with my daughters and their friends is how easy it seems to lie or not tell the whole truth—and for a parent, that’s scary! Being honest even when it’s hard has always been something I have tried to emphasize. I know they will make mistakes. I will make mistakes. But if there is no honest communication, it’s very likely those mistakes will be repeated and cause some serious pain.

And because lying is often considered not a “big deal” by teenagers, distrust is something very common between mothers and daughters that will cause constant tension and eventually deteriorate the relationship.

How do you balance everything as a busy teenager?

D: I think life as a teenager now is very different from what it was for my mom. I try to balance family, my relationship with God, school, work, sports and my social life by trying to stay organized and get a good amount of sleep. The keyword is “try” because this doesn’t always happen! Sometimes when I know I have a busy week, I will plan out and write down everything in a notebook.

Another way of staying organized is to try to think ahead. For example, if I work Monday and Tuesday night but I have a school assignment due Wednesday, I will work on it as much as I can over the weekend if possible. And as I’ve grown up, I’ve realized having a lot of friends can be stressful and hard to maintain so just having a couple really close friends is the way to go for me personally… it just stinks when all of them are busy, but those are the times to binge-watch The Office in bed!

M: I personally feel like being busy is good for teenage girls; it means less time mindlessly scrolling through social media and overthinking the problems they are experiencing. There is, after all, almost always a dilemma of some kind they are working through. I agree with the need for getting enough sleep. I enforce that one as much as possible because everything will fall apart and their decision-making skills will be affected if they are sleep-deprived.

Organization is also important, but so is being purposeful with time. So girls: Put. the. phones. down.

What is a significant challenge teenage girls face today? And be honest.

D: One of the most challenging things about being a teenage girl in today’s society besides the pressure to excel constantly at school and every activity is the amount of expectations there are for us in guy/girl relationships. Think of it like this… a girl really likes a boy, he likes her back and they start dating. Almost immediately the expectation is that it’s normal to be participating in sexual activities and if this does not happen, many peers accuse this couple of not truly liking each other so that puts more pressure on the relationship.

There are also many girls who are not dating anyone seriously but will be physical with a boy and be publically shamed for it (in person and all over social media) while the guy gets praised for doing the same thing. And maybe the worst one is if a girl decides she does not want to casually “hook up” with a guy, she is made fun of and most guys ignore her. How is any of this fair for us girls? No matter what we choose, we are not valued.

M: Along with this double-standard, I’ll add the pressure of what these teens see and post on social media is unbelievable and cruel at times. I hope if I taught my daughters anything, it is that they do not need to date to feel accepted and they should never settle or lower their standards. That is why as moms it is vital we help our daughters recognize their value and have the tough talks with them. Be purposeful in communication, but not accusing or nag.

Ask her questions even about things you don’t think she would ever do because chances are she has done some of them or at least thought about it. Be her safe place to tell the truth even if she understands there will be consequences. And our daughters will learn from our own examples, not just our words. If we lie or gossip, they will think that’s okay and do it, too. If we don’t value ourselves, they won’t value themselves either.

As parents, we all have our own opinions on appropriate guy/girl behavior but I think we can all agree we do not want our daughters to be humiliated because they have given up trying to be accepted.   Not sure this makes sense.

What do you appreciate most about your relationship with your mom/daughter?

D: The thing I most appreciate about my mom in our relationship is that she really cares about me and loves on me. She always makes sure I am reminded that God has a plan for me and she takes amazing care of me even when I am being difficult! She also makes sure to tell me when I am doing something that is not the best for me. She’s also so fun and spontaneous with me and I love it!

M: I have different things I appreciate about each of my daughters. One common thing is that we have fun together and they include me in their lives. I get invited to do things with them and they text me throughout their days. I appreciate that they value our family time even at an age when many of their peers want complete independence and avoid their families as much as possible.

I appreciate that they do not stay mad for very long and are forgiving. And we all pray for one another. There is nothing more comforting for a mom when I might be close to tears and one of my daughters will come over and put her hand on me and just offer encouragement or a prayer. That warms my heart!

What is something you want to improve in your mother/daughter relationship?

D: I think one thing my mom and I both have to work on is listening to each other better even if it’s something we don’t want to hear. Sometimes she has a hard time just letting things go. On occasion she dwells too much on mistakes I have made that were hurtful to her or me; meanwhile, I have learned my lesson and don’t want to think about the past anymore.

M: I would like to improve our ways of communicating and yell at each other less. I try to give them space when they need it but not so much that they disconnect from me, so I hope to keep making progress with that balance. Sometimes I have to talk about something uncomfortable they do not want to discuss, so I try to wait for the ideal time and place to have that conversation even if I am ready to burst!

And we have spent a lot of time in the past few years working on self-control and respect.

What do you think your mom/daughter wants out of your relationship?

D: I believe the thing my mom wants most from our relationship is unconditional love because she wants us to be close and honest with each other all the time. She wants to be my rock and my “go-to” person…and she is! I’m blessed to have her in my life.

M: I think daughters want to know they are loved all the time, even when they make mistakes; they want forgiveness and a clean slate during those times. Daughters want to feel safe and to make sure I remind them that no matter what people and circumstances throw at them, they will get through those times and are never alone. Lastly, I think they want realistic boundaries that expand as they grow. I’m working on that one!

…

No matter whether we are moms or daughters, it is important to put ourselves in each other’s shoes. It is normal and healthy to disagree at times, but that situation doesn’t mean issues cannot be resolved peacefully.

I would even suggest discussing these questions with your own daughter. I learned some new things about the daughter who participated with me in writing this article and we are trying to make an effort to work on the weak spots in our relationship.

One day these teenage girls will be adults and moms themselves. Our relationships with them now are certainly worth the investment!

Diakon staff member and mom

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GIVING BACK—Two hearts, two hands and four paws

NOTE: Since 2006, Jeanne Doney and her therapy dog, Bentley, have volunteered at Diakon Senior Living – Hagerstown/The Ravenwood Campus. Together, the duo offers residents a special relationship that only two hearts, two hands and four paws can give.

 

Jeanne Doney shares her experience:

 

You might say that my dog, Bentley, is giving back to the community—especially since the community saved him. You see, Bentley is a rescue dog. He was once neglected, but now he not only receives an overabundance of love at home, but he is the center of attention on the Ravenwood campus of Diakon Senior Living – Hagerstown most Friday mornings.

 

Although Fridays are my days off—I work as a State of Maryland office supervisor in behavioral health—I tell Bentley that we have to go to “work.”

 

As soon as he hears those words, he knows exactly where we are going. The 45-pound Labrador Retriever and Beagle mix calmly wags his tail in excitement. Although he can’t swim or track animals—traits that most labs and beagles have—Bentley is known for his big loving, loyal heart, one he opens up to residents and staff at Diakon Senior Living.

 

Immediately after I found him at the shelter 11 years ago, we began visiting the campus, so Fridays on the Ravenwood campus are a routine we both know well. Bentley patiently waits for the foyer doors to open. Once they do, he pauses while I sign the visitor book and put on his leash. Of course, his first stop is the beauty parlor, where he visits Sharon, the beautician, for a treat and to see the ladies who are getting their hair done.

 

Although he has a regular visiting routine and has taken a fond liking to specific residents, he attracts attention wherever he goes. He always has people reaching out to him and I give him the “go closer command,” so that they can pet him. We visit the sunshine room, see rehabilitation patients and often help out with activities.

 

In Bentley’s presence, residents often reminisce about the pets that they once had. Petting Bentley cheers people up, gives them comfort, or helps them recover. Bentley has a way of taking residents’ minds off their pain and worries. At the same time, I can see how attached Bentley is to the residents. It’s very hard on him when a resident moves on—it just goes to show how much a dog can love someone. It is apparent that love is mutual.

 

In August 2015, residents threw Bentley a 12th birthday party complete with his favorite treat—vanilla ice cream!

 

Bentley, who regularly wears holiday-themed kerchiefs throughout the year, also participates in the annual Halloween party. With a trunk of doggie costumes, the residents dress him up. Last year he wore an orange-and-yellow ballet tutu around his neck—he looked like a lion.

 

He goes to parties and picnics where he enjoys hot dogs and hamburgers off the grill—a treat he doesn’t get at home because I don’t eat meat. We also watch the annual Wagon Train parade with the residents. The horse wagon train comes up Rt. 40 and stops at the Ravenwood campus. Bentley enjoys watching the parade with the residents. He even had a “nose-to-nose” with a horse—but they were just sniffing each other. The residents thought it was funny and they still laugh about it today.

 

When you hear the laughter and see the joy that results from Bentley’s presence, it is apparent that he is part of the Diakon Senior Living family.

 

Abby, the director of community life, even made him an official pet visitor badge. It’s as if he is the employee and I am his handler.

 

Being part of this volunteer opportunity is so rewarding. Bentley gets a lot out of it and so do the residents—it’s gratifying for everyone—including me.

 

In fact, it is embarrassing how much I get out of it. I am so pleased that Diakon Senior Living allows me and Bentley to do this. It is our way to give back.

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Taking art to new heights

It is hard for me to remember a time that I didn’t love art.

 

In fact, I have been pencil sketching since I was a kid. Ironically enough, I used to draw pictures of airplanes. Little did I know that after college graduation, I would become a pilot—a profession that would take my sketching skills to new heights.

 

I flew for Pan American Airways. Traveling internationally for a living, I never left home without my sketchpad. It was my companion during layovers. Together, we ventured to some of the most stunning cities around the world. Sketching primarily with charcoal pencils, I captured the beauty of churches in Frankfort, the Opera House in Vienna, Ireland landscapes and street scenes in Warsaw, Africa and Tokyo.

 

It wasn’t until the mid-1970s that my love for drawing shifted from pencils to watercolor. My wife, Joy, gave me a watercolor kit. For a while, I just dabbled with it, but then I got serious. I took a couple night classes at a local high school to learn water color techniques. I had tried oil painting and acrylics, but I didn’t find them to be as challenging or have the beauty of watercolor.

 

Water color is more spontaneous—it has a mind of its own. When you put brush to paper, the color spreads and you never know exactly what you will end up with until the color blends.

 

For more complex pieces of work, I sometimes include color pencils in the process. Not only are they easy to carry around, but they allow you to add more detail to your painting. Using both colored pencils and water color can help an artist cover a larger surface area, create a more interesting background and develop a more involved painting.

 

Just as my techniques have changed over time, so have my subjects. There was a period when I drew only sailing ships. Then I went back to airplanes.

 

However, for the last 20 years, I have primarily focused on landscapes. A recent subject has been Cumberland Crossings’ barn. To me it is a magnetic landmark. [As a resident of Cumberland Crossings,] I walk about the campus property three or four times a week, and often wind up at the barn doing some sort of sketch.

 

I have done many sketches in various seasons. My most favorite painting of the barn—a summer/spring scene that I did three years ago, I donated it to the campus auction benefiting Cumberland Crossings’ fund. Several residents got together and bid more than $400 for the painting, with the executive director agreeing to hang it in the Davis Dining Room.

 

Of all the sketches and paintings I have done, that is probably the most special. It makes me feel good when I go to dinner and see my painting. More importantly, I enjoy the fact that it was liked enough to be placed where it could be shared with others.

 

Last year, I did a small watercolor winter scene of the barn. I printed 100 of them on Christmas cards that were sold in the gift shop to benefit the auxiliary. This year, I had another 100 printed. It was then that Diakon hosted a Christmas card art contest for residents. It turns out I won. It was quite an honor.

 

Anytime I can share my art with others is a pleasure. Over the years, I have started to sell my paintings and show them at local art shows—including at the Waynesboro and Mechanicsburg Art Centers.

 

My children and grandchildren have their walls lined with things that I have painted—a bottle nose dolphin, a church in Cumberland, Maryland, and airplanes to name a few. I was recently asked how many pieces of art I have produced. I am really not sure. I have three or four sketch books and completed more than 80 paintings. Some are simplistic—others are more detailed.

 

I work under Parkinson’s Law—the adage that “work expands as to fill the available time for its completion.” However, normally I sit for about an hour at a time to paint. It is therapeutic and relaxing. It is something you can do to allow your mind to be carried away from personal problems. It is an escape. It definitely keeps me going and gives me a reason to get up in the morning.

 

 

—Dale Fernandes, 85

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Don’t get ahead of God’s graces

Are you borrowing worries and anxieties from tomorrow and bringing them into today?

I often do that. You, too?

It must be a common practice for it’s mentioned in the Bible (Matthew 6). Will my health be compromised? Will the money last? Will health care or immigration policies affect me or those I love?

One of my pet peeves is how the television weather is often forecast. It seems like every weather event is the worst it’s ever been or going to be! If it’s sunny, we need more sunblock. If it’s raining, we should be on guard for hydroplaning. If it’s cold precipitation, we need to watch for black ice. I am convinced that the true purpose of weather forecasting is to scare us to death so we’ll never go out! We couldn’t possibly!  It’s far too dangerous!

The same type of news comes about the stock market or taxes or interest rates or how we’re raising our children. If we don’t have enough to worry or be anxious about just watch a little TV. Sometimes, the projections are true; sometimes they are not. In either case, is there very much we can do in advance? Not often. The best we can do is let events unfold and respond as best we can. And here I purposely used the word respondrather than react…but that could be a topic for an additional blog post on another day.

I was recently blessed in the hearing of a quote attributed to St. Ignatius: “Don’t get ahead of God’s graces.”  God’s grace existed in the past. It is present now. Is there any reason to believe it won’t be in the future? The anxieties of tomorrow will be met by God’s graces—of tomorrow.

“Don’t get ahead of God’s graces.”

The Rev. Mark Wimmer, MBA
Vice President for Church Relations
Diakon Lutheran Social Ministries

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