Tag: parenting

Parental burnout is real…

Adolescence is a highly formative time. This crucial period involves developing important social and emotional habits for mental wellness. Adopting sleeping patterns, coping mechanisms, problem-solving and interpersonal skills are just a few of the habits and skills developed during adolescence. 

Various things influence mental health in youth. The more adversity an adolescent is exposed to, the more significant the potential impact on their physical and psychological health. The World Health Organization (WHO) explains that adolescents with mental health conditions are much more vulnerable to social exclusion, discrimination, stigma, educational difficulties, risk-taking behaviors, poor physical health and human rights violations.

ADHD, anxiety, behavior problems and depression are the most commonly diagnosed mental disorders among youth; sometimes, they occur together. Other common diagnoses include substance-use disorders and eating disorders.

Important considerations, per the CDC:

  • Among children living below 100% of the federal poverty level, more than 1-in-5 had a mental, behavioral or developmental disorder.
  • Age and poverty level affected the likelihood of children receiving treatment for anxiety, depression or behavior problems.
  • Children who were discriminated against based on race or ethnicity had higher percentages of one or more physical health conditions and one or more mental health conditions.

Consider this… before the Covid-19 pandemic, suicide was the second-leading cause of death among individuals aged 10-34.

Adolescents have a lot on their minds these days. The pressures that teens face can feel overwhelming. Here are some of the main contributors to the ongoing rise in concern for youth mental health:

  • Racial disparities
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Bullying
  • Alcohol/Drug use
  • Poverty
  • Teen pregnancy
  • Gangs
  • Violence
  • Academics
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Abuse
  • LGBTQ+ considerations

Being a youth in today’s society is by no means easy. There is something equally as tricky, though…. Parenting. The mental health of children is often enmeshed in that of their parents. Caregivers need support that can, in turn, help them support their children. Parental burnout is real.

What is parental burnout? Similar to a match that is no longer lit, parental burnout can be defined as having no energy left to give. Parental burnout is the depletion of one’s resources.

What causes burnout?

  • Trying to be perfect – there is no such thing as a perfect parent!
  • Financial struggles
  • Single parenting
  • Too many activities
  • Hectic work schedule
  • Lack of support

What are some ways to avoid burnout before it happens?

  • Take time for yourself.
  • Ask for help.
  • Enlist a partner – someone who can hold you accountable!
  • Rearrange schedules.
  • Consistent self-care – this doesn’t have to be lavish – but it has to be specific to you – it has to be something that will help you refill your cup.
  • Grow your empathy.
  • Allow yourself to feel all the feelings! – the good, the bad, and the ugly!
  • Don’t take your child’s behavior personally.

What are the symptoms of burnout?

  • Depression
  • Irritability
  • Lack of sleep
  • Anxiety
  • Crying spells
  • Lack of clear thoughts (mental clutter)
  • Job burnout (for a working parent)
  • Emotional distancing
  • Parental ineffectiveness
  • Escape ideation

What do we offer at Diakon to help in this area?

We offer numerous services that can be beneficial for families and individuals dealing with the stress of life on life’s terms.

Diakon Family Life Services specializes in the treatment of mental health and substance use disorders. Treatment can include individual therapy, family therapy, group therapy, psycho-education and more. With expertise in areas of adolescent substance use, adolescent mental health, trauma, family systems and relationships, our team of clinicians brings an unmeasurable amount of training and experience to the field of behavioral health.

Diakon Family Life Services boasts varying levels of care and treatment to best meet the needs of families and individuals in our care:

  • Family-Based Mental Health Services (FBMHS)
  • Specialized In-Home Treatment for youth sexual behavior (SPIN)
  • Outpatient Mental Health Therapy
  • Outpatient Substance Abuse Therapy
  • Psychiatry services and medication management for children, adolescents, and adults
  • Adolescent Psychological Evaluations for a higher level of care
  • Group Therapy
  • Medication Assisted Treatment (MAT) for adults

Diakon also offers free parenting classes using the Triple P curriculum. The Triple P – Positive Parenting Program ® is a parenting and family support system designed to prevent – as well as treat – behavioral and emotional problems in children and teenagers. It aims to prevent problems in the family, school, and community before they arise and to create family environments that encourage children to realize their potential.

~ Author: Lindsay Seeger, Clinical Director, Diakon Family Life Services, Capital Region Outpatient Services

Recognizing and treating anxiety in children

A 16-year-old client of Diakon Family Life Services experienced persistent symptoms of anxiety, including difficulties in sleeping and excessive worry about school and interactions at school. Before long, he was using drugs to cope with the situation.

Through work with a Diakon Family Life Services therapist, the young man was able to learn new ways to reduce his stress and, in turn, was able to conquer his anxiety. Skills he learned included deep breathing to assist with anxiety-reduction, positive self-talk, how to “work” with pressure instead of against it and agenda-creation to manage school work. That step helped to reduce stress associated with homework and related projects.

And, of course, he is not alone.

A 13-year-old girl requested counseling services for high anxiety and an inability to concentrate in school. After four months of therapy, however, she reports her anxiety to be at an all-time low. She can now engage in more social activities without anxiety, increasing her number of friends and gaining renewed interest in artistic endeavors. She benefitted significantly from talking through her anxiety, learning thought-stopping techniques, and engaging in calming skills such as mindfulness.

Do you have a child or teen about whom you are concerned? If so, Diakon Family Life Services staff members answer the following questions they often hear from parents and guardians. Of course, no article such as this is a substitute for professional therapy and if you believe your child might benefit from that, we urge you to contact us or another therapist for guidance.

Q. What is a common trigger for stress that most parents are surprised their child or teen is experiencing?

A. Unfortunately, parents are often surprised by how much their own stress affects the level of stress their child is experiencing. Plus, children and adolescents are often struggling to manage their own stress, which just becomes compounded by stress within the family itself. In fact, many parents are unaware how much their children worry about adult matters that they hear their parents discuss. Among key factors causing stress for young people are relationship issues, things they see in social media or on the internet, bullying, parental friction, school and peer relationships, parental expectations and the concerns and stresses friends are experiencing.

Q. What behaviors should parents or caregivers watch for to determine if children are struggling with anxiety?

A. There are a number of behavioral changes for which parents should stay alert. Among them are:

• Being nervous, appearing worried, easily distracted; withdrawing from family and friends

• A tendency to isolate, avoid, be panicked or secretive; hesitant about social interactions; paranoid about life events

• Angry or easily irritated

• Changes in sleep patterns such as falling or staying asleep or unexpected mood swings, such as crying

• Cell-phone attachment

• Avoidance of certain activities, appearing stressed

• Gastrointestinal issues

• Restrictive or over-eating; hair-pulling and self-harm (in extreme cases)

• Reports of physical symptoms such as headache or stomachache

• Not wanting to attend school

• Excessive video-game use, drug or alcohol use

• Not spending as much time with friends as usual

• Lack of motivation

Q. What can parents do in their own lives to make children and youths less anxious?

A. One of the more important actions is to provide a safe home environment and keep your own anxiousness in check. Parents also can help structure their children’s lives so they have a more predictable schedule, responsibilities and bedtimes. Further, parents need to be aware of their use or overuse of substances; reduce preoccupation with electronics and cell phones, along with social media. Spend one-on-one time with each child.

Beyond that, you can model healthy habits and positive coping skills, as well as ways to handle stressful situations. Discuss your availability and willingness to listen to children, expressing hope that any negative situations will change and always talking in a calm and loving manner. Certainly, keep open communication, give children and youths their “space” and avoid telling young people about problems that do not concern them, such as relationship issues, finances or family drama. Be sure to provide children with a safe place to express themselves without judgment.

Other suggestions include limiting screen time and social-media use, having realistic boundaries, increasing time for family talk and routinely asking children about any concerns.

Q. What’s the difference between having “normal” anxiety and an anxiety disorder?

A. While no definition fits every situation, an anxiety disorder is more severe, with the anxiety causing great distress and interfering with the activities of daily life. In fact, it will tend to make normal tasks a struggle. Regular anxiety is situational, whereas an anxiety disorder will occupy thoughts for more days than not over a longer period of time; it typically involves chronic anxious thinking patterns.

As overall information, anxiety is the body’s reaction to a “trigger” and is generally a short-term experience, being a response to a situation such as getting married, a birth or even taking a driver’s test. In some cases, this type of stress can have a positive effect by generating motivation. An anxiety disorder is a sustained mental health disorder that can be triggered by stress and impedes your ability to carry out your normal daily activities; often, it is a response to a real or imagined threat.  

It’s important to remember that everyone experiences anxiety and can typically cope with it. Coping becomes much more difficult when it involves, for example, excessive and perpetual worrying that interferes with life; such a diagnosable anxiety disorder would need further attention by professionals.

Time well spent

While Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are now past us, this guest column reminds us about how we should celebrate—and wisely use—our time with (and as) both parents and children.

 

It’s as if a mirror is being held up.

That’s how I often describe the early days of having our foster daughter. Similar to when you invite a guest to, well, anything—you become hyper-aware of how things look through their eyes (if you’re of the pious persuasion, try taking a friend to church—you’ll see what I mean).

Foster parenting wisdom….a mix of love, acceptance and accountability

When you prepare a child for permanency, you come into contact with a lot of people—birth parents, foster parents, caseworkers, mental health providers, educational staff, and so on. It is a lot for a child to have so many people involved in this process. Certainly it can be hard to keep up with all of it and still manage to be a kid. There is no normalcy about the children’s or youths’ lives at this point.

Let me tell you about just one example, condensing the details considerably.

How to be the real MVP (most valuable parent)

Youth sports continue to be of interest to blogs and media, often with mentions of “helicopter” parents, disrespectful players and belligerent coaches.

So what, you may wonder, can parents do to make the experience a positive one for their children? Jeremias Garcia, who oversees the Center Point Day Program at the Diakon Wilderness Center near Boiling Springs, Pennsylvania, not only has extensive experience working with young people of all backgrounds, but also has coached various ages and levels of boys and girls basketball and girls soccer.

We asked him to share his experiences and advice:

Back to school: then and now

Combat boots.

I asked my 15-year-old daughter what she needed to head back to school and that was her reply. I wondered why on earth she needed combat boots when it’s been 89 degrees outside and she was returning to high school, not entering basic training!

I had been expecting a request more along the lines of binders and mechanical pencils, but my three daughters consider shoes and clothing a much bigger necessity for the first few days of school. This really isn’t a new thing, but it made me wonder…

Is it just us?

So I decided to ask several parents with school-age children about their back-to-school necessities; here are some of their responses:

It’s a new season

Choking back tears, I looked around the room at the other parents seated near me and was relieved to see I wasn’t the only one trying to stay composed. We were at Accepted Students Day at my oldest daughter’s college of choice and they were showing us a “move-in” day video.

College? Move-in day? This child I have lived with and loved the last 18 years was going to go live somewhere else?