Connecting with birth parents – Five easy tips

Tim and I have been incredibly blessed to have a positive relationship with our son’s birth family.

In fact, the absolute best piece of advice we received in resource family training was to be friendly with birth parents. In some cases, this is probably incredibly tough to do. But in our case, a little bit has gone a long way.

I think it’s easy to see birth parents as the enemy in the foster care system. But regardless of whatever mistakes parents have made, they almost always still love their kids. It is tough to try to connect with them, but all outcomes of success include benefit for the child, so it’s worth it!

Here are a few simple ideas to break the ice and extend an olive branch to birth parents: 

1. Introduce Yourself! We learned that in six homes, we were the first family to introduce ourselves to birth parents. Imagine being a parent and not knowing who your child was staying with. Being able to meet and greet can significantly lower anxiety for both parties.

2. Start off with a deferential statement such as, “You have beautiful children.” At this point in your foster children’s lives, you are providing for all of their needs—physical, emotional and so on. Knowing that someone else is building a strong connection with your child can be very threatening for a parent. Find a way to indicate that you still acknowledge that the kids “belong” to their birth parents.

3. Ask birth parents if there is any important information you need to know to best care for their children. Birth parents want to be heard. They (like you) are at the mercy of the court system. Decisions about their child’s care have been taken out of their hands. Even if a child has been in care for a long time, a birth parent may have something he or she wants to share with you that a previous foster parent did not pick up on. If a parent does share with you something you should do to best care for their child, follow through with it if you can, and show the parents that you have listened.

4. Take photos to visits. Your home and the child’s world are unknowns to the birth parents. By printing out pictures to give at visits, you give them a glimpse into your world. This step will reinforce that the child is happy, has toys, and so on.

5. Speak well of birth parents when they are not around. If you smile and nod to birth parents at visits, but then talk poorly about them behind their back, your child will notice. Help reinforce that you, birth parents, caseworkers, and judges are all trying to work together for the child’s safety and best interest.

Building trust with birth parents can only benefit the child. By showing that you are not the enemy, you open a conversation that can result in working together for the child.

If your foster child observes you respecting his or her birth parents, the child’s trust in you will also increase.

After all—the goal of foster care is reunification. You have the power to help make that transition a positive one for children and youths by actively communicating with birth parents.

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Making learning a part of really living

When you’ve spent most of your life learning to make a living, how do you make the transition to learning for the simple sake of learning?

 

For many people older than 50, that’s a familiar situation.

 

As a result of the learning we’ve done so far, we have been able to provide for our families. But, after a certain age at which we no longer have to worry as much about making a living, or our nest is empty, we may face the question: What do we do now?

 

Some people will say retirement is about just enjoying life. After all, you’ve earned it!

 

For others, however, shifting gears is not as easy. We’ve been too busy and feel the need to remain that way.

 

So how do you begin? How best can you experience new things, meet new friends, try a hobby we have been meaning to for years or, even, share a talent we’ve gained over the years?

 

That’s the focus of an innovative program I oversee for Diakon Community Services. It’s called Diakon Living & Learning After 50.

 

For nearly a decade now, the program has offered classes in everything under the sun at sites throughout Schuylkill County, Pennsylvania—workshops on yoga, painting, writing, antiquing, eBay, dancing, scuba diving, learning a new language and a host of other topics.

 

Our class atmosphere is informal and fun, allowing people to mingle while still focused on learning or teaching.

 

During this time, I have seen many friendships blossom as a result of attending weekly exercise classes; witnessed participants create a support system or reunite with old friends or co-workers.

 

I have watched wondrous transformations, as someone stares at a blank canvas, doubt eventually overtaken by a special spark as the person creates a beautiful painting, saying “that’s something I’ve wanted to try for years.”

 

With this need in mind, we develop our courses, classes, and special events to appeal to as broad a range of interests and abilities as possible.

 

And all geared to making certain that learning remains a pivotal part of life, even if the focus is more on fun than making a living!

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Healthy ways to deal with conflict

One apparent constant in the news lately is conflict. Countless stories tell of personal and group confrontations that have arisen over the recent national elections. We have even seen information about how families have been split over their views—or how social media have driven a wedge among friends.

There is certainly nothing wrong with political or other debate and a healthy sharing of opinion keeps democracies fresh, but are there healthy ways to deal with and manage confrontation, in a variety of situations including work or family life?

Absolutely, says ********* of Diakon Family Life Services.

Here are her suggestions:

  • Begin with a topic on which you both agree and start the communication or interaction there.
  • Take a breath, “push pause” for yourself and think a bit before you respond to the other person.
  • Initiate the interaction with something positive, then state the problem or issue, and end with another positive statement (in other words, “sandwich” the hard-to-hear phrase between two positive comments).
  • Use an “I” statement such as “I understand what you are saying, but I do feel differently….”
  • Recognize and acknowledge that understanding the other person’s point of view does not necessarily mean agreement with it—and, vice-versa … that understanding of you on the part of the other person does not mean he or she agrees with you either.
  • Keep your voice tone calm, even and slow-paced.
  • Use accepting and appropriate words.
  • Have a relaxed, open posture (no arm crossing; rather, keep hands open and relaxed and certainly refrain from finger-pointing or turning away).
  • Acknowledge that this is a tough, tense or awkward moment.
  • Give yourself time to get your thoughts together, and work to really listen to the other person.
  • Be willing to “share the floor,” and refrain from having to have the last word.
  • Recognize that if you are having an intense reaction to the other person’s statements, there may be more to the interaction than you realize. Acknowledge that most disagreements do not relate to issues of safety and therefore can wait to be addressed or discussed. Taking time to reflect will give you a chance to determine why the conversation is so distressing for you. Taking time also will help you to keep the situation in perspective.
  • If possible and appropriate, gain feedback from someone else you trust before proceeding with a difficult or confrontation conversation. Perhaps you do not need to confront the person or maybe you will discover another way to solve the problem.
  • Take care of yourself and respond to confrontation with consideration for others, while also staying true to your convictions.

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Facing the holidays as an Alzheimer’s caregiver: Tips from those who have done it

The holidays can be a very emotional time for everyone, including families and friends who have loved ones dealing with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of cognitive illnesses.

For those affected by cognitive degeneration disease, the biggest thing to remember is to be accepting of what people feel.

Holidays can be filled with a wide range of emotions ranging from pure joy to utter sadness. Regardless of the emotion, accept it and try not to judge your feelings or the feelings of others during this time. Holidays may feel and look different because traditions are not able to be followed exactly as before, but that does not mean you cannot have a meaningful experience.

Here are a few tips that can help make your holidays happier:

  • Take a different perspective on the visit

One of the reasons visits can be a challenge is disease progression. Over the course of the disease, attention span changes, interests may vary and memories fade in and out. You may not be able to talk to the person the way you used to. Maybe you used to sit and have tea with your loved one. Now she can no longer sit for long periods of time or maybe she no longer likes tea. This changes our ability to connect, so we have to rethink our approach to the visit.

 

  • Step outside your world

Forget what you know to be true and enter into their world. Often loved ones’ perceptions may be different from yours. For instance, if they can’t remember something in the past, do not argue with them. Arguing or pleading with them to remember something can increase frustration for everyone. Contradicting their reality does not work when you are visiting with someone whose brain has a difficult time making sense of the world around them.

 

  • Be prepared to participate in an activity

Often, an activity such as listening to music or looking through a photo album may help make the visit enjoyable because it allows you to make a connection. If your loved one is in a care facility, reach out to the staff to inquire about fitting activities.

 

For example, a direct caregiver may be able to tell you that your loved one has a newfound love of sitting next to the garden and watching birds, something he or she may have never done before. Or perhaps a loved one has developed a new enjoyment of vanilla milkshakes or hamburgers. Use whatever current interests are to guide the visit.

 

Times can also play a factor in visits. Again, use your facility staff as a resource; they may be able to tell you that your loved one gets tired in the afternoon and when she gets tired, she gets tearful.  Similarly, if you are bringing home a loved one for the holidays, the staff may share with you the best time to take her out and when to bring her back to reintegrate her into her surroundings.

 

Remember, as the disease progresses, likes, interests and best times to visit may change. What may work on one visit may not work on another. Try to stay flexible with your goals and expectations.

 

  • Don’t ask loved ones to do something they can’t do

It is often hard for their brain to recall memories. Do not ask them ‘who am I?’ or encourage them to ‘think harder’ when they cannot recall a person or memory. As much as you desperately want to maintain a connection, asking them to do something beyond their cognitive function may cause stress and aggravation.

 

  • Embrace the present

Cognitive impairments are heartbreaking diseases. It’s difficult to watch someone you love deteriorate and change into a totally different person in front of your eyes.

 

This transition induces grief and prompts questions such as “how do I still love this person if he or she is not the person I knew?” Although it may seem as if your loved one is slipping away, remember that a person with dementia wants to remember you, but his or her brain is just not physically capable of doing that.

 

Although you desperately want to maintain your previous connection, the greatest gift you can give yourself or your loved one is a meaningful visit reflective of the present.

 

Know that, even with these tips, a visit can be difficult. Sometimes, you may not know what to say or do.

 

Regardless, acknowledge that you are doing the best you can. If you “go with the flow,” more often than not you will have a successful visit.

—Michelle Gaugler
Personal Care Administrator
Luther Crest, Allentown, Pennsylvania

With 24 years of experience in long-term care, Gaugler understands the struggles facing residents with memory-related illnesses and their families. Dedicated to enhancing life, she has contributed to memory support for patients in all levels of care.

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Preventing holiday weight gain

Halloween is behind us, yes, but it’s still with us, too, and in a bad way: The treats of trick-or-treating can easily be the start of holiday seasons full of unhealthy eating.

That’s because those overflowing trick-or-treat bags are soon followed by turkey and stuffing and pies and Christmas cookies—well, you get the picture.

According to the New England Journal of Medicine, significant weight gains occur right after major holidays and can take up to five months or more to reverse.

At many of Diakon’s senior living communities, we have wellness coordinators and committees to encourage both residents and staff members to make healthy choices.

The coordinators do a great job of organizing events such as health fairs, fitness activities and educational seminars that promote healthy living. As so, as we approach the holidays, we asked some of them to share tips on how to combat the holiday weight gain:

“Bring your own healthy dish to office parties and holiday gatherings,” suggests Karen Sinkovits of The Lutheran Home at Topton. “Maintain your usual eating patterns, but allow yourself to splurge on holiday treats sparingly.”

“Exercise is a great way to relieve stress and boost energy levels, especially during the busy holiday season,” Doreen Zielinski of Luther Crest advises. “The holidays will probably interrupt your exercise regimen, at least to some extent. Do your best to stay on track. Strive to add an extra workout session whenever possible because we tend to eat more this time of the year.”

“The holidays are a time for family, friends, fun and seemingly endless amounts of food. Between the parties, traditions and gift-giving, it’s difficult to stay on track with a fit and healthy lifestyle,” says Sally McClintock, Cumberland Crossings.

 

“There is nothing wrong with indulging in the many festivities that come with the holiday season,” she continues, “but it is all too easy to go overboard and lose all your hard work from the warmer months. Luckily, there are many ways to enjoy every aspect of this time of year while still maintaining good health. One way to avoid overeating at a big holiday dinner is to be a ‘food snob’—meaning you indulge only in the foods you truly love and that you typically do not eat throughout the rest of the year. Also, fill your plate with colorful foods because they tend to be better for you.

 

“One mistake many of us make is skipping meals before a big holiday dinner to ‘save room.’ This typically causes you to eat even more and your body retains more of those calories. Instead, keep a regular meal schedule and drink plenty of water throughout the day. If you have a regular exercise plan, keep with it but don’t be unrealistic.

 

“Try to maintain your weight during this season; it is probably not the time to try to lose weight unless it is a medical necessity. Finally, enjoy yourself. Focus your time and energy on your friends and family and take the emphasis off food. Reminisce, laugh, make new memories and treasure this wonderful time with your loved ones.”

 

Twining Village’s Donald Prifti offers a few additional suggestions: “Focus your efforts in the kitchen; 90% of your success will depend on how well you nourish your body. Think of food as medicine if it is the right kind of food. Increase your activity level. Movement is also medicine and it doesn’t cost you anything. Take your family out for a walk after dinner, rake some leaves or find something else you enjoy doing to get moving.”

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What about Amelia?

At times, that question—continually and casually posed by family and friends—threatened to overwhelm me. If I had been pregnant with another child, it would have been celebrated. Instead, the prospect of adding to our family through adoption from foster care was met with raised eyebrows and concern.

Our biological daughter, Amelia, was 4 years old when we began the foster-to-adopt process. There were so many fears surrounding the uncertain world of foster care. In the hopes of offering love and safety to another child, would we destroy our own child’s sense of security?

For some families, the fear that their own biological children might be hurt physically or emotionally is enough to make them steer clear of foster care altogether.

As a parent, you want to protect your own children from the harm and hurts of this world. But what if we are called to something greater?

In Pennsylvania, there are approximately 15,000 children in foster care. For many of those kids, a forever family will never come because, among other reasons, fear keeps parents away.

Instead of giving in to the worries of everything that could go wrong, my husband and I remained faithful and quietly continued to take the next steps until we were certified by Diakon as resource parents.

In October 2014, we received the call for an emergency placement for six-year-old twins. The workers had little information to go on. After several calls and emails back and forth to gather what information we could, we stepped out in faith and said “yes.”

That evening, Kaitlyn and Davien arrived at our doorstep. They were physically thin and emotionally fragile and came to us with nothing but the clothes on their backs. We had little time to prepare our daughter, and we worried that her whole world was about to be turned upside down.

Instead of complaining about sharing her clothes, she happily helped pick out a pretty nightgown for Kaitlyn. As the weeks went on, our daughter’s bedroom was fitted with bunkbeds and a dresser for Kaitlyn. Her playroom was turned into a boy’s bedroom for Davien. The twins were calling us “mom” and “dad” and still there were no signs of jealously, no fights, no harsh words. Amelia was even calling them her brother and sister long before we dared.

My husband and I were amazed by our daughter. Instead of being emotionally scarred by the changes, she has been enriched. This January, we finalized the twins’ adoption in court. For Amelia, it was just another day. After all, they had been her brother and sister from the beginning.

~ Amanda Merrell
Diakon Adoption & Foster Care parent

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How to recruit volunteers (and then keep them)

We still need help Saturday in the concession stand …

The play is only two weeks away and we still need parents to sew costumes …

Our May Day committee needs a chairperson and you did such a great job the last two years …

The list can go on and on. On a weekly basis, our email inboxes, kids’ backpacks and Facebook newsfeeds are filled with multiple opportunities to volunteer.

These are great opportunities to make a difference … yet we receive so many that we typically can respond only to a few. That can make the task for finding and organizing volunteers overwhelming.

In fact, most people seem to fall into one of two types of categories—those who avoid any type of all volunteer activity and those who volunteer for everything. Unfortunately, members of that second group can eventually burn out and become part of the first group.

So why doesn’t everyone just do their part so the same people don’t burn out?

A common response when people are asked to volunteer is “I just don’t have time.” This may be true for a few people, but if you were to provide a flexible, organized and productive opportunity to volunteer, some of those people who say they are too busy might be willing to give you time within those specific parameters.

At the same time, it can be tiresome if you are part of the group that constantly volunteers for everything. In fact, I’ve found that situation can actually create an issue for some potential volunteers.

When the same people are always in charge and recruit their own friends or family first, the group can seem as if it’s a clique or otherwise be intimidating to those outside their circle.

So, when recruiting new volunteers, ask those you’ve contacted if they know someone who would like to join them. Determine what they enjoy doing and their availability and then try to match those characteristics with the position you need filled—before you ask your best friend to do it (who most likely would do it anyway!).

 

When I was asked to fill the role of vice-president of a booster club, I also was asked with whom I would like to do the job. I appreciated having that input because I would be spending a lot of time planning and executing plans with that person.

Some people don’t volunteer because of bad past experiences.

To be honest, if you ask me to volunteer and then rudely boss me and others around, chances are the next time I am asked to help with that activity, I’m going to pass.

Therefore, be sure if you are leading volunteers that you don’t make anyone feel like “just” a volunteer. Managing volunteers is not much different from supervising employees—be organized, respectful, flexible and a good communicator.

If you have to correct someone or hold him or her accountable, be sure your communication is kind and straightforward. Ask volunteers for feedback. Be thankful for their help because, let’s face it, without them you could not complete your objectives.

People also may avoid volunteering if they feel they are not really contributing. Have you ever signed up to help somewhere only to discover there were too many volunteers and you just stood around doing nothing while thinking of all the things you could be doing at home?

If you plan activities that require volunteers, be sure you have a position for everyone. Remember that the reason so many people volunteer is because they want to contribute to help a person, group or a cause. If there is no “job” for them to do, they will most likely feel their time was wasted.

Equally important is not to take advantage of those who do volunteer by asking them often to stay late. Consult with others involved in your activity to determine reasonable expectations. You may be the type of person who sets up, oversees and cleans up an entire event, but breaking that into shorter intervals for others who may not have the same availability or energy level will produce better results.

Sometimes “life” happens and regular volunteers just need a break for a variety of reasons. My family and I volunteer in our church nursery once a month but there are a few times throughout the year we travel on the weekends for club sports. I’m grateful that the nursery leaders understand and work with us by scheduling replacements without making us feel guilty! That flexibility keeps us fresh and we are able to give our best during the months we can be there.

Keep in mind people will invest their time, resources and best efforts in events and causes they believe are important.

When leading—or recruiting—volunteers, you can never go wrong using thoughtfulness, empathy and commitment to guide your requests.

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When a generation gap is no gap at all

For many people, the idea of having a 7-year-old child and a grandchild at the same time, even if the grandchild is quite young, may seem out of the ordinary.

But that is where God’s will has taken us.

My wife, Shirley, and I have two adult children, Leigh Anne and Ken—and two younger children, Savannah, 9 and Autumn, 7, both of whom joined our family through adoption. Our family grew in size when Leigh Anne and TJ were married last year and blessed us with our first grandchild, Maeve, this year.

Shirley and I were empty-nesters. We never thought our path in life would change in the direction it did. But, in the fall of 2007, God presented us with the blessing of becoming parents again.

Savannah, at the time less than 3 months old, needed someone to provide love and protection. God placed this challenge and blessing upon our hearts, and we began a journey that encompassed every emotion you can imagine.

In the spring of 2009, Savannah’s two-month old infant sister, Autumn, was in the same situation. We knew again we were being led, and so doubled our blessings by deciding to rear the two sisters together.

Amazingly, we have no “generation gap” our family! Both our 30-plus-year-old children love and adore their younger siblings—and those strong bonds flow the other direction as well. Our son, who lives in Japan, just had his annual two-week visit with us and we had the opportunity to spend time with his Japanese girlfriend. On their last day in the U.S., instead of sightseeing, both said they wanted to spend their day with his sisters.

Leigh Anne is program director with a county CASA office. CASA stands for Court-Appointed Special Advocates for Children. She has been especially supportive as we followed this path. She, along with the wonderfully dedicated staff members of Diakon Adoption & Foster Care, have continually raised our awareness of children in distress and in need of fostering, of CASA volunteer support, and how best to navigate the sometimes-convoluted path to adoption. In fact, the three sisters adore one another and can’t wait for their next sleepover weekend.

Though fostering and adopting can take a long time, a great deal of effort and certainly patience—plus a mountain of paperwork—we encourage others to take the plunge because providing a safe haven for a child at risk is an incredible experience with indescribable rewards.

Diakon has been especially important in our forever family as program staff stepped forward to provide support and acted at times as intermediaries. They were instrumental in refocusing county services on the best interests of the child. In fact, Diakon was our “ace in the hole” when things looked bleakest, and we can never express just what that meant to us.

And when Diakon learns of similar situations, their dedicated family advocates are always there to help create forever families.

Our lives have been enriched with the gift of two daughters, and we pray that our story encourages each of you to support Diakon as it continues efforts to expand to serve more children and youths at risk.

Moreover, please pray for the forever families who have made a life-changing commitment to a child in need. Pray for the children not yet out of the chaos of neglect, waiting for a foster family to give them love and safety. And pray for those who are considering stepping up, that their “pros/cons” list makes their path clear for them.

Diakon stands on the wall for children at risk.

It is for this that we pray for expansion of Diakon’s resources to provide the foundation and support for forever families. Can you help equip this vital program for its mission? Foster, adopt, volunteer, or give in support—it all makes a tangible difference in the lives of waiting children and youths.

Kenneth G. Mertz, II
Chief Investment Officer at Emerald Advisers, Inc.
Diakon Adoption & Foster Care parent

Editor’s Note: Ken is participating in the Chef Challenge at the 2016 Dining with Diakon event to raise money for Diakon Adoption & Foster Care. You can click here for more information.

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Remembering Dr. Haas … rather, Harold

In a long-ago article in T-LSA Now, I wrote, upon the retirement of the Rev. Dr. Harold Haas, that I could never bring myself to call him Harold.

That may have been because of my age (I was half the age I am today when I wrote that article), but it also stemmed from my respect for Dr. Haas (see, even now, I write Dr. Haas). He was simply a man, I told him and wrote about him, who engendered respect.

At the conclusion of that article, in light of his wishes, however, I wished “Harold” a happy retirement.

Unfortunately, another transition has occurred and I learned this week that Dr. Haas passed away in August at the age of 98. He had moved to New England some years ago to be near children and grandchildren; his wife, Evelyn, passed away two decades ago.

If Dr. Haas’ name is unfamiliar to you, that’s understandable, given the passage of time. Yet I believe it’s important you know who he was.

Harold Haas served as president of Tressler-Lutheran Service Associates (the T-LSA reference in the publication I mentioned) from 1977 through 1985, the year he retired and was succeeded by the Rev. Dr.Thomas Hurlocker. As president of Tressler Lutheran Services (as T-LSA eventually became), Tom Hurlocker would work alongside the Rev. Dr. Daun McKee, president of Lutheran Services Northeast, to fashion Diakon in 2000.

Dr. Haas came to Tressler in a period of uncertainty, the social ministry organization having rapidly expanded in the early 1970s without the necessary financial and administrative infrastructure. He spent the next near-decade not only successfully putting all the organizational ducks in a row, but also overseeing expansion and programmatic growth in a number of areas including refugee services, senior living communities and youth programs.

Formerly a parish pastor, professor and dean at Wagner College, Staten Island (where he had once been held hostage by students during racial unrest) and executive within the national Lutheran church, Dr. Haas, at Tressler, jokingly called himself a “consummate bureaucrat” because he knew his mission there was to make certain all of the processes, procedures and funding necessary to undergird a successful organization were in place and functioning efficiently.

(I purposely used the word undergird because, having joined Tressler a year after Dr. Haas following a brief period in journalism, I found the academic word “undergird” unfamiliar and grating. He and I good-naturedly sparred about its use on occasion and he would chuckle that when I edited his columns I took out all his “weasel words”—his tongue-in-cheek reference to phrases selected for bureaucratic use.)

When he began his work at Tressler, Dr. Haas had four earned degrees including an M.A. and a Ph.D. in sociology. He had been instrumental in the development of the national church’s social services and social statements, having demonstrated his personal commitment to justice as he marched in civil rights demonstrations in the South and testified on behalf of a Black South African in a court in that country.

A former bishop of the national church characterized Dr. Haas as having “great integrity, organizational skills and clarity of vision.” Following his retirement from Tressler, he continued his involvement in the national church, serving as well as interim pastor and then pastor-emeritus of Trinity Lutheran Church in Camp Hill, Pennsylvania.

For his work in guiding Tressler in achieving both efficiency and expansion, Dr. Haas occupies a prominent place among the dozen to two dozen dedicated leaders within Diakon’s near-150-year history who are ultimately responsible for the organization’s position and role today.

In a piece on his retirement, I wrote that Dr. Haas was “an accessible president, a man easily spoken to, a man of genuine charm and humility, one who has filled many occasions with warmth and wit [and one whose] leadership in giving the [organization] stability and ability to grow” positioned it well for the future.

harold-blog

Quite simply, I found him a brilliant but humble leader, a man I counted as a friend despite the difference in our ages.

Perhaps more cogently, a prominent Lutheran theologian described Dr. Haas as having a unique combination of “vision, horse sense, clarity, charity and refreshing candor.”

I last saw Dr. Haas around a decade ago when Diakon dedicated portraits of several past Tressler presidents. It was a pleasure to see him again.

I made sure to greet him as Harold.

By William Swanger
Senior Vice President
Corporate Communications & Public Relations

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Running to invest in future generations

Key to Scott Habecker

Chief Operating and Chief Financial Officer

Diakon

 

My running partner quickly surveyed me.

 

I knew she was probably wondering how she had ended up with this “old guy” as her Girls on the Run “running buddy.” Sensing her skepticism, I attempted to break the ice with a variety of questions about her interests. Eventually, we connected a bit on the topic of music as she shared the names of favorite musicians such as Selena Gomez.

 

But we would soon connect on a different level.

 

As chief operating and financial officer for Diakon, I take every opportunity I can to learn as much as I can about our programs. In the Lehigh Valley of Pennsylvania, we sponsor a council of Girls on the Run®, a physical activity-based youth-development program for girls in third through eighth grades, with a focus on teaching life skills. Each session ends with a celebratory 5k running event.

 

I attended the 5k to observe the program’s impact and also to thank significant sponsors. I accomplished both of those tasks, but gained so much more, particularly in my role as runny buddy.

 

When I arrived, the Lehigh Valley Parkway was already a sea of faces, participating girls, family members, program coaches, and others preparing for the event. Music blared loudly across the grounds while girls had their hair done, photos were taken and participants were organized and matched with their running buddies, volunteers whose goal is to be cheerleaders and motivators as the 5k progresses.

 

School busses continued to arrive until nearly 40 schools were represented and nearby parking lots overflowed with vehicles. I was amazed at both the scope of the event and its energy level.

 

I was soon introduced to my running partner, an energetic girl by the name of Qiara.

 

Following some pre-race stretching and energy-building exercises, the large crowd of girls and running buddies made their way to the starting line. A countdown commenced and, soon, we were off on the 3.1-mile course. Qiara and I were near the back of the pack, so it took us a while to have space to run. But as soon as we did, Qiara took off!

 

I had been told by her coach that she was quite a runner, a point that was quickly confirmed for me as she nearly sprinted the first mile. I began to wonder if I could possibly sustain the pace she was setting until I finally heard her breaths start to deepen. It was an almost-welcomed sound for me as tried to keep up.

 

Qiara advanced on her goal in a positive manner, also becoming more comfortable with me, chatting as we ran. She periodically asked for brief rests, then would take off again, sprinting as fast as she could go (which, by the way, was much faster than I could go). Eventually, she would slow to allow me to catch up, a cycle that repeated itself through the last half of the race. But the longer we ran, the more we talked and encouraged each other.

 

She was a great partner.

 

The last quarter mile or so, we could hear the large crowd cheering girls on as they crossed the finish line. The crowd was definitely motivational to Qiara, and her desire to finish the run intensified as we ran past the cheering crowd. Qiara finished the race with the same incredible level of energy with which she had begun, leaving me in her dust as I sprinted to keep up those last few strides.

 

I do not recall the time in which we finished the race, but I was told it was her personal best. That said, finishing the race is the only goal in the Girls on the Run event, and Qiara certainly accomplished that mission with great confidence. She had a special energy about her, and I was thrilled that she allowed me to be a part of it with her. Ultimately, she wanted to do better than she had done before and, afterward, she felt good about her run.

 

As someone who finds true inspiration in people who never rest on past accomplishments but are always ready for the next challenge, it’s easy to be motivated by such athletes as those who represented the U.S. and other countries in the recent Olympics. Certainly, they are inspirational but, sometimes, we may find inspiration closer to us. I know I did.

 

Qiara provided great inspiration to me that day. She and her fellow participants displayed great commitment to the goal of making it to the finish line, following weeks of preparatory work. I witnessed unrivaled enthusiasm for the task at hand and walked away with great appreciation for every participant, coach, supportive family member, Diakon employee and volunteer and sponsor that made the event happen.

 

I look forward to returning to the event in years to come, much because of the inspiration Qiara provided that day.

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